By January 1, 2009 Read More →

Dating, Kids, and Introductions

As a single parent, when do you introduce your kids to a new “significant other”? I have read all the theories about children becoming too attached too fast to a new boy or girlfriend, but does that change with age? Does it make a difference if you have 100% custody?

My basic rule is no introductions (but they might know about her) until I am sure that it is something more than a few casual dates. However, I have also broken the rule a few times when my kids knew the women previously.

What about you? How do you handle it?

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5 Comments on "Dating, Kids, and Introductions"

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  1. Naomi says:

    I recently broke up with someone who was promising the sun and the moon, almost from day one. Very early on, he suggested a trip to the zoo with his 2 daughters (6 and 10) and mine (5). I balked, but decided it would be more fun than problematic. We did have fun, but my daughter glommed on to him right away, and his oldest figured it out. From then on he reported she was asking about me; and finally one fateful night – he stayed over only twice and never let her see him – she walked into the livingroom where we were sleeping on the couch in the middle of the night. I immediately took her back to her (our) bedroom and went to bed with her; he left wordlessly. She suggested a couple of times I should marry him, but I gently assured her I would only marry someone I was “really” in love with. It ended and she has not asked again, I also explained how people do break up. Next time I will proceed with even more caution!

  2. Charyl says:

    I just dont date. Period.

    I will once my daughter is all grown up and on her own but right now my focus is on her. I’m not willing to sacrifice what little time I have with her. Her father is not in her life and I see far too many little kids having to deal with mom’s who move from man to man, they are constantly with sitters. It’s not fair. I’m not willing to do that.

  3. John says:

    Charyl–

    I do see your point and I am not looking for any serious relationships specifically because I am focused on my kids (17, 14, 11) and to be honest they all still like me! LOL

    But, I also do not want to give up a life for them. It may sound selfish, but it is not. The lion’s share of the time is spent with them, but when I have the opportunity to date or to go out with friends on a grown up date–I take it.

    Not sure of your kids’ ages but it is funny now that mine are a little older, they are encouraging it.

    I certainly do not subscribe to the floozy of the week deal either and before my kids are aware of any of my “dates” there have been several dates with the person.

    I was cringing when I watched the interview with the dad of the missing 5 yr old in Florida. The girlfriend is 17 and she was sleeping alone with the toddler when she disappeared and the dad says that his missing daughter “loved” Misty. It came out later that he had known her 3 or 4 months. Known her 3 or 4 months and now he has moved her in with his two kids and the daughter is sleeping with her.

    Unreal!

    But I am a proponant of having your own mental health and well being be a priority!

  4. alex says:

    thanks very much, great information. Keep up the great work.

  5. Well, I’d prefer to introduce them to my kids as a “friend” first so they’ll know also who I’m hangin’ around with. And if things go well, then that’s the time I’ll introduce that someone formally. And if not, then just think nothing’s happened. I guess, single parent dating is crucial especially if kids are in the middle of growing up. Just be gentle on your ways that you consider also what they’ll feel if ever you decide to have someone new in your life.