By Brenda Elwell

The most common mistake made by travel agencies, tour operators, and resort hotels is to assume that the travel needs and desires of single parents are exactly the same, or similar to, the needs of double parent families traveling together with their kids. Single parents often seek different agendas and must be twice as organized, twice as patient, and twice as creative to have a successful and fun trip with their kids.

ORGANIZATION

There are three key elements in preparing for your trip: (If your vacation plans consist of a fully escorted tour or spending a week on the beach and merely moving between the sand and the surf, you can skip points 1 and 2).

# 1 - DO YOUR RESEARCH
Whether you are planning a hiking trip to the American West, a driving tour of the historical sites and theme parks in the East or a trip to Walt Disney World, you and your kids need to do some research to determine where and how you want to spend your time. Make it a family project. It helps if your kids choose their research assignments from a list you provide. Buy a tour book on the Web or at your local bookstore and have your kids research some information on the Web. Unless you work for a dot-com, your kids can probably do the research faster than you. Once you have gathered up enough information, have a family meeting to make your vacation decisions. How long will you stay in one area? What trails will you definitely hike? What theme park rides are a must? Explore rainy day activities in case of inclement weather. My kids' pediatrician, who is a global adventure traveler like us, once told me when you travel with kids, spend 1/3 of your time doing activities that they like, 1/3 doing what you like, and 1/3 of your time doing things you all like. I held to that formula whenever possible and found it worked quite well.

Years ago, when my kids were little, our "itinerary" included a visit to the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam, which was a treat to myself. I stuck the kids in a comfortable corner of the museum with some snacks and games, (this is a safe thing to do in Holland), checked on them periodically, and, after a contented hour by myself, I scooped them up and led them to the three most famous paintings in the museum. After their brief "educational tour" we all went off for some ice cream and an exciting ride along the Amsterdam canals. Everybody was happy.

# 2 - TYPE UP AN ITINERARY
I'll bet your first thought is "This is crazy. I don't have time to type up an itinerary. Why do we need one to go to Walt Disney World or some other theme park?" Trust me. The hour or two you spend typing an itinerary with rainy day alternatives will save you hours of time and frustration during your vacation. In all the years I traveled as a single parent with my kids, from kindergarten through college, we never once argued about what we were going to do that day. We argued about a lot of other things on our trips, but never that. They simply got up in the morning and asked "What's on the itinerary for today?" Even though our itineraries were always flexible, and often could be changed on a moment's notice, they took for granted that what was on paper, was what we did that day. End of discussion.

Itineraries can be as simple as one short page or as long as two or three. By pre-planning and writing down our ride sequence at theme parks, we never waited in long lines, even at Walt Disney World in high season. It is also important to add a page of hotel and rental car information to the itinerary, including confirmation numbers, the local phone number and address of the hotel with local directions to get there. More than once I have had to find a hotel in the dark by myself with sleepy kids in the car. The idea is to eliminate difficulties and stress, in advance. Through the years our itineraries became more detailed, often including research facts, and have made a nice handout for family members staying at home, as well as a wonderful addition to our photo albums.

# 3 - TYPE UP A PACKING LIST
I have a family packing list stored in my computer that I have revised and used for nearly twenty years. My college-age son still asks for it when he packs for a family trip. Print it out and hand it out to each child who can read. Tell them to check off or cross off each item as they pack it. It makes younger kids feel independent, even though they will need some packing help from you. It also smoothes the way with teen-agers who prefer minimal verbal communication with parents, especially regarding instructions.

Several weeks before the trip you should start jotting things down on a list and invite your kids to do the same. Put down everything you will need and be very specific - 7 changes of underwear, rather than just saying underwear. For teen-agers, mark down batteries for the omnipresent portable CD player and for the wee ones, mark down a favorite toy or teddy and 3 favorite books. For an example of a packing list go to our packing list section.

You are going to need a simple first aid kit, the contents of which will be determined by your destination and the ages of your kids. Carry lots of zip lock plastic bags, always useful. You will also need to be prepared for delayed flights, unexpected waits in line at restaurants, museums, whatever, so pack travel games, cards, (Uno is great!), toys and books, some favorites and some new ones. Carry a small book bag or backpack on your back so you are prepared with these items. If your kids are old enough, have them each carry their own, or each of you take turns with the book bag. Include some juice or water and some nutritious snacks. For single parent moms, if you haven't already done so, get rid of that purse! You need both hands free.

PATIENCE

I have found that the best way to remain patient with your kids while traveling is to eliminate in advance as many situations as possible that require patience on your part. Sound simplistic? It is. Here's how:

There are three common irritating travel complaints that can drive parents nuts:
1) When do we get there?
2) Can I have some money?
3) I'm tired/bored/hungry.

The first and third items are usually asked in a whiney tone and the second, as sweetly as possible, especially if it is the sixth request that day. The suggestions I offer are not foolproof but should reduce the frequency and intensity of the complaints so that your patience does not wear thin.

1) WHEN DO WE GET THERE?
For a small child, who has no sense of time, planning a relatively stress-free long motor trip takes a little advance work. There are the usual car games - such as word games, spotting car colors or license plates, story telling, and the "I'm thinking of (a person, place or thing)" game. But small children also need some time guidance. Several days before the trip, and again the night before, explain how long the trip is and what you will be doing along the way. For example if it is a six hour drive, explain that there will be three planned stops, and the lunch stop is the halfway stop. If your children are ten years old or older they can begin learning to read maps and map out the trip. (More about that valuable skill in a later newsletter).

Years ago a friend of mine had to travel by car several times a year from NJ to Maine to visit family, a tedious eight hour drive with her three small rambunctious boys. She loaded the car with games and nutritious snacks but found that after six hours nothing worked. On the next trip she added one item to the trunk - a closed box filled with sodas and junk food. After six hours, when the "Point of No Patience" was reached, she pulled over the car at the New Hampshire border, and unleashed the booty along with a supply of airsick bags. My friend arrived at her destination safely and with patience intact. Hey, whatever works.

Train and plane trips are a lot easier, given the speed of travel, and the ability to move about. Entertaining children on those modes of transportation will be discussed in a later newsletter.

2) CAN I HAVE SOME MONEY?
Single parents are always on a budget so this is a good opportunity to teach your kids budgeting skills, as well as reduce the strain on your patience:

* For a small child, write down or discuss the amount you will spend each day on treats or purchases and make the child aware of when the limit has been reached or approached.

* For kids ages 8-10 on up to 15 years, discuss in advance how much will be allotted to them for snack treats and gifts for themselves or friends. Let's say it is $70 for a one week trip. Each day give them $10 to spend so they can buy their own treats or gifts. If they are still young and tend to lose money, you may choose to hold the money in a separate envelope for them. Teach them to watch out for pickpockets, especially in areas frequented by tourists. Having them handle their own money will foster a sense of independence and help them understand budgeting.

* For teen-agers age 16 and up, chances are they have a part-time job and can bring their own earned spending money for gifts and food treats. Discuss in advance what you expect them to contribute.

Although not used as much today, travelers checks are still an interesting option for kids. If a child's allotment is $100 or more, get a booklet of $20 travelers checks in their name from your local bank. You hold the checks and let them sign off on a $20 check as they make a purchase and then they keep the change in their pocket. It makes a small child feel very important plus there is a visual impact of seeing the travelers check booklet get thinner. It is not a bad idea for teen-agers either. Being in the travel business for thirty years, I hear countless stories of how teen-agers bring $200 or more with them on a trip, which they saved from their part-time jobs, carry it all in their pocket, and - you guessed it - get pickpocketed.

3) I'M TIRED/BORED/HUNGRY
To avoid these issues and keep your patience intact, you will need to do some trip planning and consultation with your kids. I recommend you read my first newsletter which discusses research and the planning of itineraries and activities. A well-planned itinerary should eliminate most of the "I'm tired/I'm bored" issues, especially if you have obtained previous "buy-in" from your kids regarding daily activities. (I'll talk more about this in future newsletters). Remember to reinforce your kids' good behavior by complimenting them when they have behaved well, be it during a car ride, museum visit, or a restaurant meal. Tell the big kids too!

When my daughter was five years old we drove twelve hours straight from Maryland to the Canadian Laurentians for a one week ski trip. At the time I was still married so there were two adults to share the driving and child care responsibilities. Nonetheless it was a challenge to keep a small child content and well behaved for such a very long car trip. Here's what I did:

a) First, get buy-in. In this case the reward for enduring a twelve hour car trip was a Canadian ski vacation.

b) Make it a challenge. "Boy, an all day trip in a car. Not many little kids can handle that. Do you think you can do it?"

c) Review the commitment. Talk about it on and off and especially the few days before the trip. Focus on the positive - the destination, but remind the child of the challenge of the long trip to get there.

d) Prepare the child. Discuss where you will be at lunch, at dinner, and what to expect time-wise. We told our daughter we would cross the Canadian border as it was getting dark, and would arrive our destination shortly before her bedtime. Once we got into Canada she was then free to ask, "When do we get there? - but not before.

e) Praise the child for his or her good behavior as the ride progresses.

I know this must sound like an agenda for a corporate meeting or a case of silly over-preparation, but I can tell you from experience, it worked! Not once did my daughter whine about being tired, hungry or bored. However, mindful of the daytime ban on asking, "When do we get there?" she chose instead the phrase -"When will it get dark?" - and asked that question numerous times between lunch and dinner.

CREATIVITY

Even if you do not consider yourself a creative person, with a little thought, you can come up with some great ideas that will make your trip more fun and educational for everyone. Just let your hair down and try to think out of the box.

I have often heard people say that very young children should not be taken to Europe. "They will not get enough out of it." How do you define enough? And who is defining it? If you define Europe as a series of art museums, yes, that is true, young children would be bored with a steady diet of only that, but then so would adults. And museums are not the only things to see and do in Europe. With a little creativity and a small child you can enjoy much of the culture, history, and local life of Europe.

When my son had just turned five, I took him, and his twelve-year-old sister, on their first trip to Europe. In preparation for that event:

• We read a number of children's books about Europe, one of the best being a Richard Scarry book that featured stories and illustrations about many countries around the world including some that we planned to visit.
• I drew pictures of all the types of transportation vehicles we would use and next to each drawing was a series of small boxes so my son could check off a box each time we used that vehicle. Besides trains, planes and double decker buses, I had pictures of cog railways, cable cars, ferry boats, lake cruisers, even a picture of hiking feet!
• The three of us planned an itinerary together that would include something for everyone. Often we would do a museum visit in the morning, followed by a swim in a local mountain lake. I didn't see as many cultural attractions as I would have liked, but we certainly made new European friends as my children frolicked in the lake or rode paddle boats with the local children, picking up a little French or German along the way.

Certain that my advance preparation had covered everything of interest to my son, I packed up our itinerary and drawings in my fanny pack. On the second day of our trip, while in England, I noticed my son Greg had become fascinated with European toilets. Back in the 70's most European rest rooms and hotel bathrooms still used the old pull cord or some other European system of flush. Once we reached France, Greg was in his glory. Every place we stopped had a different flush system. He insisted I make a new page of drawings so he could check off every kind of flush toilet that we found. Inevitably we encountered the "footprints" style of French toilet, prompting Greg to fire away with all types of scatological questions. By the time we left France, Greg had discovered over 21 different ways to flush a toilet and we had recorded them all. I received a valuable lesson in thinking out of the box and my son easily remembered all the places we visited by the type of toilet flush we found there.

Another way to get creative with your kids is to turn the tables and let them play tour guide. I first tried that when my daughter was twelve years old and we were visiting the Chateau de Chillon, a beautifully preserved castle perched at the edge of a Swiss lake. On a whim I handed her the map of the castle and said "Here, you studied castles in school and you are the Dungeons and Dragons player. You can read a map. You guide us." My daughter rose to the occasion. With the aid of the map, she found and identified each room and explained its purpose. She made a couple of mistakes, but corrected herself later. I was surprised to learn how much she knew about medieval weapons, much more than I. At the end of her "guided tour" her face was all aglow as she said "I really enjoyed that." So did I. Her little brother, on the other hand, had spent much of his time - you guessed it! - looking for remnants of the medieval sanitation system.

Encouraged by our success with the castle tour, I planned our first trip to Arizona so that my son could play tour guide as well. We found some great children's books about Arizona cacti. The Sonoran Desert of Arizona is like a vast botanical garden, so I prepared some simple drawings of a dozen or more prominent Sonoran cacti and labeled each drawing with the name of the cactus. With my drawings stashed in my backpack we set off for our first desert hike with my seven year old son leading and spotting all the cacti he could identify. About twenty minutes into our hike, as I was rubbernecking around to enjoy the view, my son came running back toward me screaming as if I was about to step on a poisonous snake. Just in front of my foot was a four inch high "jumping cholla" plant. Jumping chollas (pronounced choy yah) get their nickname from the fact that the spines of the plant are heat-sensitive and will cling to any warm-blooded animal that approaches the plant. Some people say the spines or needles "jump out" at you. Getting stung is a painful experience, we had read. My son had spotted the baby plant, which I had not. For years after, he reminded me how he was my hero and had "saved" me from a jumping cholla.

A few other creative suggestions are:

• Bring along a disposable camera or two for the kids to use.
• Take a diary or a tablet and have each child record their daily impressions over dinner, while waiting for your meal to be served. Better yet, if your child is too young or doesn't want to do it each night, do a two-way or three-way diary in which each of your writes a paragraph or two of his or her daily impressions. The little ones can dictate to you. Trust me, no two people will have the same impressions.
• Prepare quizzes before you leave - about the culture, the history, the geography - and quiz them before and after the trip.
• Assign each member of the family a task. Young ones can be baggage counters. It will be his or her responsibility to count suitcases, backpacks, each time you prepare to move on.
• Research assignments are great. Have a child learn about something they like that you will visit on your trip.
• If you are traveling overseas, prepare cue cards for foreign languages.

Another creative way to make the trip more fun for your children is to "borrow" a kid. One summer we planned a three week extensive driving trip throughout the American West. My daughter was then a young woman, having finished her first year of college. My son was twelve and still a boy so we "borrowed" an eleven year old neighborhood friend to keep my son company. His friend's parents were thrilled with the idea, and agreed to pay their son's financial share of the trip. Just as importantly, we knew his friend was a good travel companion, an excellent swimmer, (we did some white water rafting on that trip) and was not a whiner. It worked out very well and everyone was still friends when the trip concluded.

The first day of that big American West trip we arrived in Denver Airport late morning and drove our rental car straight to the Denver Museum of Natural History, which I had read was an awesome museum. As we approached the exhibit on Mineralogy, my daughter Monique, fresh from her college course on geology, stepped forward to expound on her research assignment and explain the Doppler Effect to her captive audience - her little brother, his friend, and me. A few minutes later, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a tall distinguished gentleman lurking in the corner with a smile on his face. When my daughter finished her explanation, he approached her, introduced himself as the Curator of the Denver Museum of Natural History and asked my daughter if she was planning to major in one of the science fields. When she replied she was majoring in International Business, he told her it was a great loss to the field of science. He then asked the two boys if they would like to be on TV. Eagerly they agreed and the curator signaled a cameraman to approach and he immediately filmed a segment on Mineralogy for the local Denver TV stations, with the boys acting as the curator's audience. Unfortunately, when the segment aired, we were somewhere in the wilds of Wyoming. Nevertheless the kids all had an ego boost that day and my son's friend had plenty to write in his first day's travel journal.

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